Seven Years
by thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: It's been seven years since Dez and Trish's wedding day, and their marriage is in shambles. Will they be able to put the pieces back together?
1. Drifting

Dez pulled his car into spot 127, turned off the engine, and opened the car door. He grabbed the tripod from the passenger seat and swung it over his shoulder while fumbling around for his laptop case with his other hand. Filmmaking was his passion, but long intense days of shooting like today were very exhausting. He reached up to his plaid scarf and unloosened it, letting it hang down around his neck. The vast white of his apartment complex stretched before him. Just seven months ago, it had seemed so enormous and unwelcoming. Now, all he had to do was look at his apartment door to feel at home. He could always find it—maybe that had something to do with the rainbow duck tape that adorned its edge. Instead of an empty apartment, he had a quiet, cozy little place where he could hang out after work. He walked up the two flights of stairs to his apartment without dropping his tripod-something he always considered a feat. He opened the door and set his cap and scarf on the hook.

He opened his laptop. Checking for new film reviews on his favorite site was always the first thing on his agenda when he got home. Today, though, there weren't any new ones. Hearing the distant high pitched music from an ice cream truck reminded him that he was hungry. He wandered into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. What would it be today? Sometimes he liked to cook, but he didn't feel like hassling with the oversensitive smoke alarm today. He could always do pizza, but he had ordered it three times this week already. Maybe he'd head to the nearest Chinese takeout place. He didn't feel like going out again, so he did some research until he found a place that did delivery. He made his order and settled down on the couch to relax.

Maybe he didn't feel like going out, but it also sounded boring to just sit around all evening. His apartment was perfectly quiet apart from the sound of water dripping from the kitchen sink faucet. He could also hear his downstairs neighbors. Their three kids were never quiet. At the moment, it sounded like the kids were singing along with something on tv. It wasn't fun to get woken up at six in the morning to the sounds of kids arguing, but it generally brightened his day to think about how happy they all were. The couple next door were perfectly quiet as usual. At first, he had been surprised that he never heard them arguing, but then he had learned that they were newlyweds. Hearing that had made it all click. He understood that perfectly; he had once been a happy newlywed himself.

* * *

The cathedral ceiling was definitely majestic that bright June morning, but he had hardly noticed it. Instead, his eyes were intent on its sunlit foyer. His heart beat quickly in anticipation. Any moment now, she would appear. Sure, he'd already seen her during the "first look" that the photographer had insisted on. She'd been beautiful there, but she would be spectacular here against the artistic background of the wooden arches, gold chandeliers, and spotless white walls. She'd be the painting no artist-including himself-could draw although he knew he'd try. The wait was getting long, and he could feel himself getting impatient. He hadn't even realized that he was moving around until he felt Austin's hand on his arm.

Finally, she had appeared. He had smiled at her, and the smile that had stretched across her face in response was the biggest one he'd ever seen. She was radiant. The birdcage veil she wore created shadows on her glowing olive face. Her curls were perfectly in place, pulled off of her neck with an exquisite gold hair pin. The dress was absolute perfection and look as if it was made just for her. The mermaid cut, sweetheart neckline, and purple glitter covered skirt reflected her taste exactly.

After what had seemed like another forever, she had reached the front, and her dad had given him her arm. The minister had told them to turn and hold hands. As he stood there facing her, his overwhelmed feelings had made their way into words. "Hello, gorgeous. We're finally here," he had breathed, winking at her. He knew that he wasn't supposed to be talking to her, but seeing her like that left him with no choice. She had pinched his arm and told him to shut up. The blush and smile that she had given in response had told him otherwise. Their quiet whispers had continued throughout the ceremony. He had hardly been able to believe that it was not just the two of them. The ceremony had ended with fireworks as he pulled her in for a quick dip kiss. After the minister had presented them as Mr. and Mrs. Dezmond Wade, he had been so happy that he had thought that it would be impossible for him to feel any happier. And so they had walked down the wide aisle destined for the beautiful world of happily ever afters.

* * *

A knock on the door interrupted Dez from his walk down memory lane. As he opened it, he remembered that he had ordered Chinese. He paid the delivery man, walked back to the living room, and set the food on the low coffee table. He didn't really feel like eating at the moment. Instead, he pulled out his phone to look for his favorite wedding picture. There they were. The photos was just the same as always. Dez sat on the stump; his face lit up in a quirky smile. Trish stood at his side with her hand on his arm. She was gazing his direction; her glance told of implicit trust. He loved this photo because it told the story of what he had felt that day— intimate closeness and perfect happiness. Looking at the photo, one couldn't help but realize that he was her hero. Knowing that she depended on him had made him feel like a man. Sure, she was quite the feisty girl, but she had her weaknesses. He knew what they were, and he would take care of her. Best of all, she had perfect confidence in the fact that he would.

But it wasn't that way anymore. He had told himself that it was okay. Everything would work out in the end. They just needed some time to work through things. Now, though, he had to admit what he had long known to be true. No matter what he chose to call it, the truth was that an invisible wall had grown up between them. It was as if someone had torn the picture of their perfect happiness apart. He had said that he was happy in his little apartment home. But the truth was that every time he heard the downstairs neighbors he thought about how they had what he had always wanted. He wasn't happy at all. He couldn't be without the wife who he'd promised to always love and the children who were the outcome of their continuing love story. He had to admit it; things were changing, and he could see the destination. It was…he didn't really want to say it. Divorce. They were heading for divorce. He had known it for the whole seven months and dreaded saying it for the first time. To his surprise, it felt better to admit what had been weighing on his mind. Living in denial wouldn't change the reality. He sat up and rested his head on his hands. He felt like watching a favorite movie and forgetting it all, but forgetting couldn't change this. The reality that he had long refused to admit was true. They were drifting apart, and he didn't know what to do.

* * *

 **Author's note: Hope that wasn't too depressing! :) This is my attempt at a multichapter story. Somehow, one shots or sets of connected one shots seem a lot easier for me to write. However, all of you do such a great job with multichapter stories that I've got to at least give it a shot.**


	2. Determined

Dez stood on the front steps of the house and knocked gently on the door. He heard the sound of a barking dog and approaching footsteps. The sounds were typical ones, but this was no ordinary house. It was his house—the one where he and Trish had spent four happy years. He had mowed that yard countless times and talked to Trish while she washed the front windows. Now, though, he had to knock. As he waited for the door to open, he wondered why he'd offered to pick up the kids here. It was just too much for him to keep coming back especially now that he wasn't sure they'd ever be a family again. The door opened, and Trish appeared. She was wearing a simple yet classy dress with leggings. Her frizzy hair and tired eyes told the story of a long yet ordinary day. She was balancing Esmeralda on her hip with one hand and holding Max's small one with the other.

"We're almost ready. Bryan's going potty. I'll be back in a minute with the bags," she said matter-of-factly. She turned to Max adding, "Come on, buddy, let's find your shoes..."

Dez stood awkwardly on the front porch awaiting her return. "Oh, you can come in if you'd like," Trish yelled realizing that she hadn't given him permission to enter the open door. He stepped into the quiet entryway which was littered with little shoes. There was something so peaceful and happy about this place. Maybe it was the people who lived here—namely the one person. Some people might look at Trish and see a tired mom, but he saw a confidence and vitality that he'd fallen in love with not so long ago.

* * *

Dez was extremely excited—today was the first read for the cast of his swamp princess movie. He had been dreaming of filming it for years, but he had written the lead for Trish who had moved away for college. Just a few weeks ago, he had learned that she was moving to LA; he had tracked her down and gotten her to agree to take the role. _She should be here now_ , he thought as he glanced out the window wondering she could be. It was 8:27, and the scheduled start time was 8:30. Just when he'd thought that she wasn't going to show up, he saw her getting out of her car. She was wearing a tailored peachy orange blazer, a white sequin covered blouse, black slacks, and pointy black heels that gave her an extra three inches. The outfit had her name written all over it, but it showed a professionalism and confidence he'd never seen in her before. He heard her knock and rushed to the door.

He opened it and there she was. "Dez," she squealed. "It's been so long." She struck up her signature pose. "Guess who got a job with CTV news?" The smile on her face was warm, and there was this magical twinkle in her eyes that told him just how proud of herself she was. Acting confident had never been a problem for her, but he could tell instantly that she had grown. This confidence wasn't just a show; she was settled and grounded in who she was from the inside out.

"That's wonderful, Trish," he gushed as he pulled her into a hug. "I always knew you could do something like that." Without even thinking it through, he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "You look so pretty".

"Yeah, doof, I guess it's obvious who hasn't changed. You're lucky I'm so happy to see you or I'd give that face of yours a well deserved swat," she added laughing. He wouldn't realize it until later, but that was the day he'd fallen in love with her.

* * *

A child's voice interrupted Dez's reverie. "Daddy," Bryan yelled. He ran up and gave Dez's legs a tight squeeze.

"How's my buddy?" Dez said. He grabbed Bryan and pulled him up into a proper hug ruffling the little boy's curly hair.

"Good. I'm so happy you're here, daddy."

"I'm happy I'm here too. I missed you." Dez tickled his feet, and Bryan started laughing.

"I have a soccer game on Saturday."

"Oh, really? I can't wait to watch you again…"

"Yeah, Aidan's mommy's bringing jelly fruit for snacks. Yummm…"

At that moment, Trish appeared again with the younger two at her heels. She looked up at him and Bryan with this look on her face that seemed to say that she was sad that her little boy rarely saw his daddy. Dez felt like he could see deep inside her heart. For just a second, he felt this sense of connection with her. Before either of them could say anything, though, the mood changed. Trish looked down at the ground as she focused on getting the kids ready to go and set the bags on the ground. "One for each kid like usual, and one for snacks. Max's pretty picky right now," she said coolly.

"Okay. Sounds great. I'll get these in the car and switch over the carseats and be right back." He grabbed all four bags and headed out the door. For just a moment, it felt like normal—like before. But it wasn't. He was taking off for his apartment with the kids, and he wouldn't see Trish all weekend unless she decided to show up for Bryan's soccer game.

He came back in this time without knocking. Trish _was_ expecting him. "Well, I'm heading out. Don't miss them too much," he said.

"Like you think I wouldn't? They're my kids. I'm the one who's changing their diapers, giving them baths, and feeding them. You better take good care of my precious angels. I don't want to hear anymore stories about Esmeralda wondering out onto the balcony alone or the four of you having to wait outside while you wait for the fire department to take care of the smoke."

"Trish, that hasn't happened for months. I will take care of them. I promise." _And don't forget. They're my kids too_ , he added in his head. With that, he opened up the door for Bryan, picked up Esmeralda and Max, and headed for the car.

* * *

The kids were finally in bed, and Dez sat down on the couch to take a quick rest. It hadn't been the easiest evening ever. He'd changed Max and Essie's diapers like two times each, and Bryan had kept begging for another bedtime story. He hadn't been able to get Trish's words out of his head. She'd called them her kids. They were his kids too. He wasn't able to be around and help all the time, but he was a good dad. He took the kids every other weekend and on weeknights when Trish had plans. Most dads didn't do that especially when their kids were only five, two, and one. As he thought about her words, the implications had hit him—she didn't see them as a family anymore. He had not been wrong. They were drifting apart. Her perspective was changing, and he had just realized that there was nothing he wanted more than being back with his wife and kids again. It was seriously perplexing.

 _Perhaps a chat with Austin would do me good_ , he thought. The two had been best friends since kindergarten and had only gotten closer as the years went by. He just knew that he needed Austin's support and advice right now. He pulled out his phone and dialed the number.

"Hello?" Austin's voice came over the line. "Dez?"

"Yeah, hey, bro." Dez responded. "What up?" He pulled his hand into a fist and pretended to fist bump Austin doing the virtual handshake that they had first invented in college.

"What's up, dude?" Austin was actually asking the question.

"Well, I've got the kids this weekend. It's been lots of fun already. Essie's been crying for her mommy, and Bryan refused to eat the peanut butter and egg sandwiches I made for dinner. Seriously, I'm glad to have them around, but it's rough to have to take care of them alone."

"I can only imagine. I feel overwhelmed when I have to babysit for the afternoon, and that's just Lyric. And I know that Kylie will be coming back in a few hours."

"How are things going for you and Trish?"

"Okay, I guess…..I'm kinda missing her a lot," Dez's voice volume went down a few notches. "I was realizing recently that we're kinda drifting apart. When I picked up the kids today, she mentioned something about them being her kids. That really hurt. It's really scary to think that she doesn't see us as a family anymore. I guess I've thought things would just get better, but they're not. I just don't want to get a divorce."

"Whoa, you're talking divorce? It's getting that bad?" Austin was concerned.

"We've haven't talked about it yet, but I can see where things are heading. What would you advise? I may be the love whisperer, but it doesn't mean I can't use some outside input from time to time. Especially someone like you who's already been through one failed long term relationship….."

"Hey!" Austin interrupted. "Don't call my relationship with Ally a failure. We may not have ended up getting married, but we figured that out in time, and I learned a lot about myself while I was with her. And Kylie's just perfect for me….As for what I'd advise….you know what they always say, if you love it, set it free. If she's not right for you, she'll leave if not she'll stay. Sounds crazy, but it worked for me."

"I don't know about that. Ally was your high school girlfriend, not your wife. You didn't have kids to think about. I don't think that advice really applies to my situation." Dez knew he was ranting, but he couldn't help.

"Well, I guess then I'd say it's your choice. You can try to get back together or you can just wait and see what happens."

"Yeah, I guess so. "

"I didn't mean to be depressing. I feel for you, bro, I really do."

"No, no, it's fine."

"Listen, Dez, I hear Kylie calling. I think she needs me to grab something off the topic shelf for her. You know, short wife problems. Anyway, I'll talk to you later."

"Talk to you later, man. Bye."

Seriously, let Trish go? That was the last thing he wanted to do. He still loved her and knew deep down that he always would. But what could he do? Right now, nothing. He flipped off the lights and flopped down on the couch with a sigh pulling the blanket on the back over him. For now, sleep was the best option.

* * *

Dez was suddenly wide awake. As his eyes opened, he tried to remember where he was. _That's right_ , he thought. He was on the couch because he had been so tired after his conversation with Austin that he had decided to go to bed right away. He had been so shocked by Austin's carefree attitude about his deteriorating relationship. How could his best friend see it that way? Divorce was no laughing matter. It was permanent; it would separate Dez forever from the girl he loved. And if the past seven months had taught him anything, it was that he didn't like being without her. It was to the point where even separation wasn't okay anymore. Dez needed Trish in his life. Period.

To be honest, the idea that he needed her so much scared him. What if she didn't want to get back together? He couldn't just snap his fingers and make her change her mind. He knew that he would be devastated if he put his heart into pursuing her only to be rejected. But honestly, his current feelings left him with no choice. He had to do something. He couldn't continue to sit idly by knowing that that was what had gotten them here in the first place.

Suddenly, he could see that he had gotten love all wrong. Love wasn't something that just came to you. It wasn't warm fuzzy feelings or perfect happily ever afters. It was a choice. It was choosing the person you loved on your wedding day and every day thereafter. It was choosing to love and care and be there. Dez knew that that was the kind of love the future he'd been dreaming of was made of.

It all made sense to him now; he was no longer perplexed or confused. He knew exactly what he needed to do. He needed to fight, not with his fists but with his heart. He'd fight for a future, for Trish, for their kids, for himself, for love. He was determined, knowing that the love he believed in was worth fighting for.

* * *

 **Author's note: So that was chapter two. It ended up more like a one-shot than I would have wanted, but anyway h** **ope you enjoyed it. I love hearing what you think, so any reviews are very welcome. :)**


	3. Dream

Note: The rating on this story has been changed to T due to some references to harassment in this chapter. It's very mild but not something I'd want kids reading.

Dez set foot inside the coffee shop and was instantly bombarded by the smell of fresh beans, clean floors, and cologne. It was Saturday morning, and the shop was full of people. Normally, he would have paused to take in the beauty around him with all of his senses. Today, though, he was in a hurry. He gazed rapidly around the room at the myriad of differently shaped tables, both large and small. He finally saw the flash of red he was looking for in the line at the counter.

"Didi!" He exclaimed as he ran in for a hug.

She turned around. "Dez!" she scolded. "You scared me." She put her arms around him and then pulled back. "Quiet down," she whispered. "Can't you tell the whole store's watching us."

"Didi," he laughed. "It's been too long."

"I know. I've missed you too."

Dez smiled and took a deep breath. It had been ages since he had gotten to hangout with his favorite sister. They had spent a lot of time together after she moved to LA after college, but in more recent years life had gotten in their way. Filmmaking and family kept him really busy, and her job as a surgical nurse meant that their schedules rarely matched. Espresso and cappuccino in hand, they wandered to a tall table in the corner and sat down.

"So, how have you been, sis?" he asked, glancing across the table.

Her hands gripped her cup as she answered. "I've been doing just fine."

"Yeah?" he probed. Despite her outgoing nature, Didi could be really reserved. " _Diana_?" he added with a smirk.

"We've been through this so many times. It's Didi, not Diana."

"I know, but it's not _my_ fault Mom and Dad spelled Deanna like Diana," he returned lightheartedly.

At that, she smiled, and he knew that he had successfully broken through some of the awkwardness that had grown up between them. Time had a way of changing things, but he knew that they still cared about each other.

"Stop," she commanded. "I thought coffee was your idea."

"It was. It's just no fun when you get all quiet on me. I can't do all the talking myself. Come on, it did work. You're talking now," he reminded her. "So what have you been up to lately?"

"Well, classes for the np program have kept me busy," she explained, taking a sip of her espresso before continuing. "And then work has been rather stressful. I did recently join an Irish dancing club."

"Good for you. I knew you'd like dancing. Irish eyes and Latin hips do run in the family, you know. Any special dance partners?"

"Nope. Don't get any ideas. We mix up our partners weekly. Gotta keep it interesting, you know."

"Is there anyone at work?" Dez felt himself smiling again.

"No. I'll get there eventually, but I'm ready to put myself out there again. When I do, I'll be wanting you to meet him. I just can't end up with a dirtball."

"I'll be waiting for your call. Always glad to help my baby sister."

"Dez, I'm glad you're eager to be helpful, but I'm not a helpless baby. We're just two years apart, and we're both adults now!" Didi was trying not to sound irritated, but he could see the traces of frustration in her face.

"Well, you would have been in trouble if I hadn't been my _nosy_ self and kept bugging you until you told me what was going on with Doctor Perry and insisted that you do something about it. That scumbag didn't have any right to make comments about my sister's body and guilt trip her into thinking that she needed to go home with him. That's classic harassment, and nobody harasses my sister when I'm around. Everyone at work is treating you okay, right?"

"Yes, everyone's been nothing but polite. I'd be rather nervous about messing with someone who's won a court case, myself."

"Don't estimate yourself. You're quite feisty. I wouldn't want to tangle with you when you're mad."

"Thanks," Didi whispered. "So what about you and Trish? How's it going?"

"Well, it's been pretty tough going. Things are getting worse, and this separation thing isn't working for me anymore. I've been missing Trish a lot lately."

"I'm so sorry. That's really rough. Have you tried to talk to her lately?" Didi's tone expressed her concern.

"Well, she didn't say anything when I dropped off the kids last weekend. It was so hard to see her there and not be able to tell her how I feel. It's just really awful. I wish I go back in time and get a do over. I think I'd start seven months ago….No, I'd go back to when Esmeralda was born…Yeah, that was when it started getting bad. We'd decided that we wanted three kids. Bryan was such an easy baby that I thought that having two a year apart wouldn't be a big deal. But Max was really difficult. When Esmeralda was born…."

Dez felt himself get choked up and struggled to continue. "We were both really busy after Trish went back to work. I was right in the middle of a big film project that had me away for days at a time, and….her boss at the news agency was really demanding too. We just didn't talk that much….We always talked before. It seemed….seemed like she was always bugging me about the little things…like how I hung the clothes in the closet. She was just so critical that I...I...wanted to get away from her so I'd go up to the attic with my video games. One day, we got into a big fight…and decided….that it'd be better if I moved out for a while. Things just keep getting worse. My marriage is in shambles. Why can't I just get a do over?" Dez was sobbing now.

Didi moved around to his tall chair and put her arm around his shoulders. "Oh, Dez, I'm so sorry." She rubbed his back in circles and let him lean his head on her shoulders.

"I just want it to go back to the way that it was before. I don't want to give up without a fight, but I don't know what to do."

Didi pushed his head off her shoulder and moved around to her side of the table. "So when was the last time you talked. Like really talked?"

"She hasn't said more than hello since Bryan's birthday party."

"Well, it sounds to me that you two need to just need to sit down and talk."

"But what if she won't talk to me. I'm not so sure she would." Dez was sobbing again.

"Dez, listen to me. This is you and Trish you are talking about. You are absolutely perfect for each other. I remember noticing that the day you brought her home for dinner. You told me you two weren't dating, but I took one look at her and knew there was more to the story."

Dez laughed. It had taken him years to realize how he felt about Trish. He had been pretty clueless for a love whisperer.

"You were always bringing home these wimpy, girly girls. They might have been perfect as lead actresses in your princess movies, but they wouldn't have made you happy. Trish was different. She asked for seconds without apologizing and snuck sips of your soda when you weren't looking. When I took her upstairs and showed her my nail polish collection, she was unimpressed and told me she'd rather play Zaliens video games in the basement with you. That was when I knew she'd be my sister-in-low someday. You needed someone who'd be strong and determined and steady enough to stick by you in all your ups and downs."

With Didi's last sentence, the tears began streaming down Dez's face again. "But she hasn't."

They were both silent before Didi broke in. "It's not over until you give up. You may have chosen to fight with you mind, but your heart isn't in this. You're a dreamer, Dez. I'm always impressed by the fact that you dream big. I can remember you telling me you were going to be a filmmaker when you just were a kid. I thought that it was ridiculous, but look at where you are. You believe in your dreams and work until they come true. During the court case, I felt like trash. It was so embarrassing for everyone to hear the details of what had happened. I didn't want to get up in the morning much less go to work or the courthouse. I remember you telling me to choose to believe that I could make it through. I did, and here I am. It's been a year. I've got a new job, and I'm feeling so much better now."

She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "Dez, I believe in you. You're a man, a strong, kind man. Trish is so lucky to have you. You can't give up now. You were there for me before, and now I'm here for you."

Dez grabbed her napkin and blew his nose. "Maybe you're right, but what I am going to do?"

"Just believe, Dez…And maybe I've got an idea….."

* * *

 **Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had to use my imagination for Dez and Didi's relationship. The show didn't give me much to go on. Let me know what you think of this chapter.  
**

 **I've also been thinking about head canon lately, and I'd love if you told me what you imagine happening to Trish and Dez after the show ends.**


	4. Driven

Trish settled on the couch and pulled out her laptop. Now that the kids were in bed and the laundry was done, she could finally focus on writing. Between her job at CTV news and the kids, she barely had time to write. However, it was so important to her that she knew she would never quit writing no matter how busy she got.

Trish had first begun dreaming of writing a novel when she was in third grade. Her mom had dragged her to a book signing event with her favorite author. Hearing Pam Stevens tell the story of how she became a writer had inspired Trish to begin writing stories of her own. Her first stories had centered on a warrior princess who saved her kingdom with her karate skills. The next year, she had discovered journaling. She had written in her journal faithfully every night since then, and completed books now filled two shelves on her bookshelf.

Trish would have considered a career in writing except for the fact that she was not motivated to write for anyone else. Book reports and even school newspaper articles were boring to her. Writing was something deeply personal—the way she found her voice. Others probably thought that she said everything on her mind because she was so outspoken, but she knew all the things that she didn't say. She discovered managing in high school and thought that it would be her career for awhile. However, her love of writing could not be ignored. She wanted more than anything else to become a better writer, so she had majored in English in college. In addition to refining her skills, she had learned that she could write for herself while writing something for others. She had been excited when she got a job as a writer at CTV news after graduating and hadn't looked back. She loved the feeling of being able to write something that mattered to her and helped shape other people's views of the world.

Despite the fact that she was writing for CTV every day, her dream of writing a novel had never died. Over the past few years, she had brainstormed various ideas, but none had struck her fancy until a dream she had had six months ago. The dream about two teens facing tremendous obstacles in a post-apocalyptic world had grown to become a novel. The duo who had been enemies in high school were forced to learn how to build trust on an unstable foundation. Through her novel, Trish hoped to tell what it meant to care about someone so much that you are willing to do anything, risk anything for them. Since her dream, she had spent all of her free time on the novel. The first draft was now almost finished and her dream soon to become a reality. She could hardly believe that she was almost there.

Hearing her phone's ringtone interrupted her thoughts. _Why is that darn thing ringing?_ she wondered. She usually turned it off to minimize distractions while she was writing. Now that she had lost her train of thought, she might as well go answer it. She felt her patience wear thin as she ran around in search of her elusive phone. Its ringing was liable to wake the kids. She finally found the phone in her office and answered it with a sigh.

"Hello? What do you need?" she asked impatiently.

"Oh, hi, Trish," Dez's voice rang out. His nervousness was evident."…..So…how are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess except for the fact that you just interrupted my writing time."

"Oh, sorry…I didn't mean to interrupt anything," he apologized. Dez's words came out faster as he continued, and she found herself straining to make out what he was saying. "Well, I….kinda signed up for dancing lessons, and I was hoping you'd go with me."

"What?" She couldn't help feeling annoyed. Sometimes Dez was just too hard to understand.

There was a pause before he began again. "I've been really missing dancing lately. They were doing the Lindy hop in my last movie, and it looked like a lot of fun. A studio in town offers lessons, and I signed up. I was kinda hoping you'd come along."

"And?" she prompted.

"The lessons are on Friday nights. I could get a sitter and everything."

"Oh…." she replied. "Bryan has soccer practice on Friday nights."

"That's no biggie. I'm sure Linda wouldn't mind taking him to soccer practice."

"Well, I'm just not in the mood for dancing. I'm really behind on housework. You should see the laundry pile or the length of the grass..they're half way to the moon. Besides, evenings are my writing and housework time. I just can't get anything done when the kids are awake. They're just always interrupting me."

"Come on. I love that you're committed to getting the job done, but you're driven, Trish. You've got to take a break every now and then or you're going to get burned out. You can't make life about work. Believe me, I've tried. It doesn't get you anywhere. You've got to get out and have some fun…. Besides, I really want to learn the Lindy hop, and if I don't have a partner I'll have to drop the class. Please, Trish," Dez pleaded.

Dancing sounded like fun, but she didn't want him to think that she'd give in that easily. She took a deep breath to calm herself before answering. "Well..maybe not this time."

"Listen, I'll pay for the sitter and everything."

"Okay," Trish said without thinking. She had to smile. For all of his quirks, Dez was an expert when it came to convincing people to do something fun.

"Can I pick you up at 6:30?"

"That'd be fine," she grumbled.

"See you Friday." His tone was sappy, and she felt the weakness of her defeat again. She hung up and slammed the phone on the table.

She went back to the living room to resume her writing. As she sat down at the computer, she heard not his sappy _see you Friday_ , but his _you're driven, Trish_. His words pierced her like an arrow. Dez hadn't been mad, and he wasn't one to exaggerate when he wasn't. He honestly thought she was working to hard and living for her job. No way was that true-he was completely wrong. She was simply very dedicated. She loved her job, her family, and her favorite hobby. She opened the computer and stared at the family picture on the background of its screen. There was no way she'd get anymore writing done tonight. She'd go to bed with hoping that in the morning she'd have forgotten Dez's words.

* * *

Trish looked at the clock—4:30 AM. It had been a miserable excuse for a night's sleep, but she might as well get up now. She wasn't going to sleep much longer anyway. No matter what she did, she couldn't get away from Dez's words. She had turned his words over and over in her mind answering them with the best objections she could. She had blamed it on being a working, essentially single mom, but she knew didn't have to be that focused to survive with Dez still faithfully doing his part to help support the family. Her next excuse was that she liked being busy. In high school, she had been nervous about taking on responsibilities at the music factory as well as managing Austin and Ally and trying to finish school. She had discovered, however, that a full life was a happy life. This busy, though, was different. It wasn't a have-so-many-things-I-enjoy busy; it was a trying-to-forget-busy.

Dez was right. She had been burying herself in her work, her novel, and even the kids. She had believed that everything was going well because the kids were pretty happy, her novel was almost done, and she was doing well at work. Take that all away, and she didn't know what she what she was doing with her life. She was deeply dissatisfied and felt like she was drifting aimlessly towards some unknown destination.

Despite growing up with a supportive family, she had always struggled to trust people. Even those who she loved best kept disappointing her. She just couldn't keep getting hurt, so she put up walls to protect herself and created an outspoken mask to keep people away. It worked, and people stayed away.

That was until Dez decided he liked what he saw and attempted to penetrate her walls. She had been at an especially vulnerable point—new to LA and post-college life. In her optimism about her new life, she had not bothered to push him away. He been so fun and yet so sincere at the same time. He had waited for her to talk and open up and had shared his heart and dreams with her. She had been hesitant as always, but he had proved himself to be both safe and devoted. She had slowly let him in. At times her growing trust in him scared her, but she wanted to believe that he'd always be there for her.

They'd gotten married. She honestly had been unable to see any reasons against it when she both liked and trusted him. She had not doubted her decision during the six happy years that they had spent together. Then, _it_ had happened, and her trust had been shattered. Since then, she had felt hurt, broken, and disillusioned. She had been counting on him to be there for her forever. Marrying Dez had filled her with joy knowing that she wouldn't have to face the world on her own. Yet, here she was raising the kids, dealing with the challenges of work alone. She felt disappointed in him for letting her down, in herself for trusting in him to always be there. She honestly didn't know what to do or where to go. Burying herself in work hadn't made her life more satisfying. Dez was right about that. Perhaps getting out would help. It was worth a try. She had promised she would do it after all.

* * *

 **Author's note: I've been hoping to update this story for awhile. However, all of my ideas seemed boring until I thought about switching to Trish's point of view. I'd like to know what you thought of this.  
**


	5. Disillusioned

A enthusiastic knock at the door told Trish that Dez and six-thirty had finally arrived. _Be calm_ , she told herself. That was easier said than done. Dez's call had affected her in a way that she had not even imagined at the time. It had completely destroyed the illusion of calm that her life had had until that point. She had spent the hours since then sorting through the past seven months. She had imagined that his feelings towards her had changed seven months ago, making her feel that her own distrust, fear, and anger were justified. His warmth on the phone, however, had made her wonder if perhaps she had been wrong. At the very least, she could no longer say that he didn't care about their future. She knew she cared. At the same time, she knew that her trust had been broken, and things just weren't the same anymore. It was a dark, confusing world she was facing.

She scooped up Esmeralda and pulled her close for moral support before she opened the door with as much calmness as she could muster. "Wait here, the kids are ready. I just need to round them up."

He smiled as he stepped onto the mat, and she felt her heartbeat quicken. There was something about special about that grin. "Sure. Can I take Esmeralda for now?"

She handed Esmeralda to him without a word and retreated into the quiet hall in search of the boys. She found Max and Bryan and quickly headed back to Dez.

He looked from her to boys at her side. "So, we're all here?"

In an instant, it hit her how perfect her life had been. She winced at his words struggling to keep the pain she felt from showing on her face. It had been too long since they had all been a family. "Max, Bryan, Esmeralda, all here. I think we're ready to go."

* * *

After they dropped off the kids at Linda's, the car was oddly quiet. The strangeness of it all fell heavily on Trish. Less than a year ago, she and Dez had ridden together in this car all the time. Back then when not even a cloud lay between them, she had been bubbly and talkative. Now, the events of the past seven months hung between them rendering her unable to say a single word.

"So work's going alright?" Dez asked breaking the silence.

She kept her tone matter-of-fact."Yes, I've been busy, you know, but it's going well."

He smiled, and his voice softened. "I'm so glad. I was hoping you were doing okay. You always say you're up for anything, but sometimes they just pile too much on you."

She knew that tone. It was the one he used when he spoke to her. It meant only one thing—he still cared. She felt her heart soften. Despite what she'd told herself the past months, she still cared. The instant the thought entered her head, she rebuked herself. _No, not that again. You're smarter than that. If he cared, he never would have…_

* * *

She was very tired that evening. Esmeralda had been waking up every two hours for the past months, and Max had had a poor night sleep. The city counsel meeting she was covering had gone long, and she wanted nothing more than to go to bed. She breathed a huge sigh of relief when she pulled into the driveway. She would finally be able to get the rest she desperately needed.

The sound of cries greeted her the moment she opened the door—something was wrong with the baby. She ran up the stairs as fast as she could to find Esmeralda screaming. She calmed her down, changed her diaper, and put her back to bed. Then, she noticed the sound of water coming from the bathroom. She was greeted by the sight of Bryan playing in the toilet. By the time she cleaned him up and put him back in bed, she felt completely exhausted. She couldn't help feeling frustrated with Dez. _Where was he?_ She wouldn't have gone to the meeting if she hadn't felt like she could trust him to take good care of the kids. He clearly was clearly down on the job.

"Dez? Dez?" she called again and again but received no answer. She finally wandered to Dez's man cave and opened the door. "Dez Hatfield Wade! What do you think you're doing? I thought you told me you'd take good care of the kids."

Dez didn't look up. "What are you talking about? They're all sleeping peacefully in their beds."

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't call playing in the toilet and screaming at the top of their lungs 'sleeping peacefully in their beds'," she said sarcastically.

"I didn't know. Okay?"

Trish moved until she just stood feet from the couch where he was settled with the game controller in his hands. "How could you have not heard? What are you—deaf or something? I have always bought your excuses, but now I'm not so sure about your intentions. You've been up here night after night playing your stupid video games while I'm working double time trying to keep up with my projects at work and pick up the slack at home. I thought I married a responsible man, not someone who'd just laze around on the couch. I honestly don't think I'd even notice if you were gone since I'm doing everything myself anyway." She was practically shouting as she finished.

"I am responsible. I just need a break from your nagging. Would you like me to do something else instead? I don't _have to_ play video games. …."

She pointed her finger at him."Like you'd actually do your work instead. You clearly need my nagging to keep you off the couch."

"If you knew the power of your nagging, you'd know why I need a break. I just need my space, okay? If you aren't going to let me have it, I guess I'll just have to find a way to get some."

"Like what?"

"Like a place of my own! It's not like I have to stick around here or anything."

His words struck fear in her heart. She didn't really want him to leave. She was just tired and frustrated. That had to be a way to delay him—at least until he could change his mind. "You have a room of your own," she said gesturing at the room where they stood. "What more could you want?"

"My own place. You know what? I'll do it. I'll get my own place and finally get away from your eternal nagging," he said scornfully.

Trish slammed the door and ran crying to their room. Life would never be the same. She had been all wrong—Dez was not half the man she had imagined him to be.

* * *

Dez stopped the car. Trish was instantly aware of his eyes on her and felt caught in his gaze. She had knew she had been unnaturally quiet and hoped he didn't know why. To her relief, "Trish, we're here," were the only words to leave his lips.

They walked silently to the dance studio. She could feel his excitement building. He loved to dance. "Thanks so much for agreeing to go with me. The lindy hop is awesome, you'll see," he said with a smile as he opened the door for her.

The first two hours were a blur. The emotional strain of the evening made learning the new steps a struggle for Trish. She felt like her brain was dull and stupid and staggered a couple seconds behind no matter what she did. Finally, the lesson portion of the evening ended, and Trish finally got a chance to go to the ladies room to catch her breath. This was proving much more difficult than she had anticipated.

When she returned, the free dance period was about to begin. She approached Dez who was already talking with a couple who he had apparently just met. "This is my wife, Trish," he said fondly as she approached. She stood dumbstruck at his side. After all that had happened, he still saw her as his wife—no additional explanation needed.

The music started, and he turned to her asking, "may I have this dance?". His wink caught her eye, and she blushed in spite of herself. She didn't trust herself to speak and merely nodded shyly.

She felt chills as his strong arms circled her waist. It had been far too long since she felt strength beyond herself holding her up. She felt a small smile pass across her face. In spite of everything, she still liked it. She couldn't help it.

In high school, Dez had never really caught her eye. He had been way too goofy for her taste making her roll her eyes on a regular basis with his over-the-top antics. She had mocked him for his craziness and largely left him alone even though he often expressed the desire to be her friend.

Everything changed, however, when she moved out to LA after college. At first, she had thought that he was as goofy as ever, but it had not taken her long to realize that she had long underestimated him. There was so much more too him that what met the eye. Behind all of the goofy smiles was a guy with a kind heart. He had this tremendous passion for life that he wanted to share with everyone willing to listen. She had let herself be captivated by his brilliance.

Now, she wondered if it had all been a mistake. Ever since middle school, she had doubted that there would ever be a guy who would want to be with a girl like her. Her size fit outside society's ideal of beauty, and her personality was far from what was considered perfect. She was strong, brash, and even abrasive at times. There was no way that she could be some guy's perfect little girlfriend.

When Dez had first expressed interest in her, she had been shocked. Ever girl he had ever dated before had been a glitzy model type. She was so far from that ideal that it seemed insane to even think that he liked her. Eventually, his persistence in pursuing her had convinced her that he was sincere. He was different—the kind of guy who she could trust. Once she was thoroughly convinced that he'd never leave, she'd given him her promise to walk beside him for the rest of his life. But then he'd taken off leaving her and her broken heart behind.

Yes, Dez was so spectacular he still gave her butterflies. But he still wasn't the trust-worthy man she'd once thought he was. That illusion was shattered forever. No kindness or thoughtfulness on his part could ever make up for the fact that he'd broken her heart in a million pieces. No wonder she felt so disillusioned.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I've been wanting to update this story forever, but I was unable to think of an idea for this chapter that wasn't cliche. I want this story to be deep and teach life lessons. Hopefully, this chapter hasn't gotten me off track on that.**


	6. Decide

"Look Essie," Trish heard Dez say to Esmeralda who was perched on his lap. "There's Bryan. He's a big soccer player. Look at him go." He pointed to Bryan who was eagerly trying his best to chase ball. Esmeralda's attention was immediately focused on the game. "Do you want to play soccer too, princess?" he asked before tickling her belly. She burst into a fit of giggles.

Trish couldn't take her eyes off of the two. There was something special about watching Dez with the kids. Dez was a natural dad and had been from day one. It had been so long since she had gotten to see it. He always left promptly when he came to pick up the kids, and they always dropped the kids off at Linda's while they were dancing. The scene before her pulled at her heartstrings. There was something magical about hearing the love in his voice and seeing the excitement in his eyes to be able to be with his favorite little people. She pulled Max close and felt her heart race.

Just like that, Dez turned around to look at her. She could tell that he knew that she had been staring and instantly looked away. It wouldn't do to let him see all that her face would give away.

He broke the silence. "Thanks for coming today, Trish," he said gently. She smiled at his acknowledge of the fact that she'd done something out of the ordinary. "I'm glad it's not just me and the terrible two. I almost lost one of them a number of times when it was just me at the games."

His words broke some of the tension making her feel comfortable enough to look back at him again. "Yeah, they were always running off on me too."

"Then, sometimes, they'd turn into the tearful two, and I'd struggle to comfort them at the same time. Most games I hardly saw any of the action at all. Then afterwards Bryan would ask me if saw a certain play, and I'd feel like a terrible dad to say no. It's a lot easier when I can just watch one. I've actually watched most of the game today," Dez said with a smile.

"You know I wouldn't have missed his last game for anything," Trish replied sincerely.

Just then, the referee's whistle blew. The game was over. The adults rushed onto the field and formed a line to create a human tunnel for blue and red soccer playing tykes alike. She found a spot right next to Dez who had Esmeralda on his shoulders. The young players ran through amid cheers, and then they all wandered back to sidelines.

When Bryan appeared, Dez ran up and gave him a high five. "Awesome job, buddy. I saw your goal. That was amazing," he said with big grin that stretched across his entire face. "How would you like to go out for ice cream?" he asked. "You've made it through a whole soccer season, and you're the first person in the family to do that."

"Yay!" Bryan yelled. "Thank you, daddy!" He gave Dez a big hug.

"Would you like to join us, Trish?" Dez asked turning to her with a quirky smirk on his face. She felt her face turn red and instantly looked away. That smirk took her back to the day that they met in Austin's room when she had first been drawn to the promise that it held. She had seen glimpses of his personality and known that he was a very unique individual. Now that she knew all of the energy, excitement, and warmth that lay behind it, there was no way that it wouldn't affect her.

Everything in her was telling her to say yes, but she didn't want to. She knew it wasn't a simple trip to the ice cream shop—that would have been fine—it was taking a step towards coming back together again. She'd been carefully avoiding committing herself. She would do Friday dancing and no more at least until she was sure what she wanted. "No," she said in a tone that she was sure came off as a little bit sharp.

"Come on, Trish," Dez said elbowing her. "You know you want to."

He was right, but there was no way she could go there. She was sticking to her guns. "No not this time. I've…I've got a lot to do at home."

"Okay," he said. "But we're going to miss you. Say bye to Mommy, kiddos," he added to Max, Essie, and Bryan.

She was shaking when she got into the car. The perfect happiness she had felt as she had watched Dez with Essie was completely gone. Instead, she felt jarred and completely confused. Why had she completely fallen apart?

* * *

"Don't you dare take that off," Dez said to her as she put her hands to her blindfold for the umpteenth time. She had pulled it up enough to get a little peek when she felt his hands pulling hers away. "Trish, please don't. It's got to be a surprise. Can't you do this for me?" he pleaded. "We're almost there."

She put her hands in her lap with a sigh. "Okay, I'll do it for you," she said reluctantly.

"We're here," he shouted moments, later stopping the car. "Destination the beach. You happy?"

She ripped off her blindfold to see that he was indeed right. Brown sand stretched out in front of them, and beyond that the rich waters of the Pacific. It was beautiful and majestic just like he'd told her the California beach. Caught in the moment, she failed to notice him run to the water. "Come on, Trish," he yelled from half-way down the beach.

She wandered out of the car at a leisurely pace. Within moments, Dez was at her side. "What are you waiting for?" he asked out of breath. "The water's a lot better when you're actually in it." He linked arms with her and started running for the beach.

"But I don't have my bathing suit on," she said pointing down at her blue dress.

"Don't worry about it. The water will be great."

When they reached the water, he let go and went back up the beach to get a running start. He landed in the water with scream and came up laughing. "It's swell."

She buried her toes in the sand and felt his excitement wash over her. He was right; this place was awesome. Yet, she'd have to say that it was his energy and enthusiasm that took it to the next level. Watching him venture farther out into the waves, she couldn't help realizing that she was in love with him.

* * *

The truth was that she still was. She had known that she had still feelings for him since the first night they had gone dancing. After that night, however, she had been quick to attribute them to the seven years that they had spent together or the fact that they shared three children. Those weren't the reasons. She was in love with Dez because he was a gem. He was bright and strong and kind. He was an amazing father to her children. He loved her deeply and despite her flaws still believed that she was perfect.

Best of all, he complimented her. They were a natural team. He was the optimism to her pessimism, the lightheartedness to her seriousness, the spontaneity to her routine. They belonged together, and she knew it. Only she'd been pushing it away because she didn't want to deal with it.

It was messy. She was heartbroken, and he was the cause. She simultaneously wished he had never been born and never wanted to spend another moment away from his side. So far she had been hiding all her feelings behind a polite reserve biding her time until the moment was right and hoping she could somehow magically avoid deciding. But that was impossible. Friday night dance lessons were ending in a week, and she knew that she couldn't just stop seeing him. Yet, continuing meant taking a step towards him—admitting that she wanted to continue.

What right did he have to come waltzing in like nothing happened and expect that she would instantly want to get back together? Even though he had been nothing but kind, it just wasn't fair. She really didn't want to him to know how desperately needed him in her life. She wanted to tough it out and maintain her independence. Yet, she was keenly aware of how much it had hurt to hold back. It had been uphill battle for her to maintain an indifferent facade. After tonight, it would be downright impossible.

If only things would have happened differently, this whole mess could have been avoided. If she hadn't gotten upset at him that night or heck last couple of nights, then he maybe never would have left. She knew that she hadn't been the most patient person on the planet. Sure, she had had her reasons, but it hadn't been fair to Dez. At this point, she knew she would be willing to pay big bucks for chance to do it all over.

Despite the strength of her wishes, there was no going back. She was stuck in the now—in a world where she felt unhappy and conflicted. Worst of all, things were changing, and she couldn't remain indifferent. She had to decide.

* * *

 **Author's note: So I'm finally updating. I've been procrastinating on writing more on this one since I find it really hard to plan and write chapters for longer stories. Anyway, I'm still not very happy with this one, but at least it's something.  
**


	7. Destined

Trish woke up the next morning deeply upset. Her heart felt as if it were dragged down by heavy weights. Feelings consumed her mind and heart making it impossible for her to focus on anything else. It was her weekend "off"-she was supposed to be relaxing and enjoying it all. Instead, she couldn't even make herself sit down long enough to watch an episode of her favorite show. She went to the bathroom to draw a hot bath hoping it would clear her mind as it usually did. As she did, however, she couldn't shake the feeling that today she would get in only to change her mind and hop out right away. Wandering out of the bathroom, she found herself putsying around the house doing snippets of different chores from her long to-do list hoping to find relief for her aching heart.

By eleven o'clock, it was glaringly obvious that the entire day was going to be a loss if she didn't somehow deal with her feelings. She wanted to cover it all over and say she was fine. That's what she would have said if someone had asked her. However, it was clear as day to her that she was not fine. She was suffering.

When she had said no to Dez's request to go out and get ice cream with him and the kids, she had had no idea that her decision would bring her so much misery. The ice cream trip was long over now. She shouldn't still be thinking about it, but she couldn't help it. In her mind's eye, it was still going on, and she was along. Their favorite ice cream parlor was as rustic as ever with its black and white checkered tile floors and rough red booths. The Beach Boys were blaring, and the young kids serving ice cream were cheerful as ever. They were all settled at their favorite booth in the corner. She and Bryan were devoring chocolate cones, while Dez and Max were enjoying cookies and cream. When he thought she wasn't looking, Dez was slipping Esmeralda licks of his cone. That thought caught her off guard a little. They hadn't gone out for ice cream as a family with Esmeralda. She had never seen him giving Esmeralda his cone, yet she could see it like she had been there. Maybe it was because he always fed his ice cream to the baby. She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wished she had been there to see it.

There was a name for the feelings she was feeling she realized as she continued to reflect-bitter regret. She was upset she had missed the trip to the ice cream shop. Screw the consequences, she was wishing she had gone. She missed the kids...being a family...and Dez. If she was honest, he was the piece that was missing. She still had the kids, but she didn't have Dez-his unwaivering support, his help with parenting, his deep love and affection. She missed that all more than she could ever say. Sure, she regretted missing the trip, but she missed his constant presence in her life even more.

It was clear to her that she had to decide what she was going to do about him or she was going to continue to feel this bad or worse. Yes, it was complicated and messy, and she didn't want to decide. She had to. There was no other choice. She just couldn't continue to push it all into the future. She plopped down onto the couch with a sigh and closed her eyes.

The sound of her phone ringing jerked her awake. "Hello?" She said in a voice that she was sure sounded very tired.

"Oh, hi, Trish." Kira's excited voice came through the line. "I thought you might actually be able to talk today since the kids are with Dez this weekend, right?"

"Yeah, they're with Dez, and I finally have some time to talk. Sorry, I haven't answered my phone lately. I've been busy, you know," Trish said by way of explanation.

"I can only imagine. I feel busy, but when I get home it's just me and Lucy. She doesn't demand much of me except for dinner and a walk in the park," Kira laughed. "How have you been, Trish? It's so good to finally hear from you."

"I'm doing well. Bryan just finished his first soccer season yesterday, so that was definitely a big cause for celebration. Esmeralda's walking around a lot now, and I'm hoping Max is finally starting to grow out of his picky eating habits. You know, typical mom stuff."

"Sounds like fun," Kira said lightheartedly. "Be sure to tell Bryan his Auntie Kira sends her congratulations."

"I will. He'll be so excited. He adores you." Trish smiled thinking about how Kira was such a great surrogate aunt to the kids. "And how are you, Kira?" Trish asked. Although the two had got closer as the years passed, Trish knew Kira well enough to know that she wouldn't call unless she had something on her mind.

Kira's tone was upbeat when she replied. "I'm doing well, too. Thanks for asking."

"And..." Trish paused mentally counting to ten knowing Kira wouldn't be able to hold it in for much longer than that.

"I've been thinking about it a lot, and I would like to give the music business another shot. I really enjoyed my interior design class this last semester, but interior design just isn't for me. It's fun. It really is. But music is what has my heart. I know I said I was giving it up for good and that it's not stable enough of a career for me. But I just can't give it up. I've got to give it another shot." Kira took a deep breath and then paused. "I thought I'd talk to you since you're one of the best managers in the business."

Trish had to laugh. "Out of the business," she whispered.

"What?" Kira asked uncharacteristically impatient.

"I'm out of the business now," Trish said. "And have been for a number of years."

"Well, daddy always said you were tremendous, and I'm asking you to venture back in just to help me," Kira explained. "Please? I've even got some ideas."

"Well, for you I will, " Trish said with feigned reluctance. "Just don't go blabbing to all your friends about this. It's not like I exactly have time for lots of extra side jobs right now."

"Thank you, thank you," Kira said sincerely. "I'm just so excited. Maybe I'm crazy. There's no way it's going to be easy. I'm not young. I'm trying to figure out my style and how to break out of my dad's shadow, but somehow I can't shake the feeling that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm thirty this year, Trish. A couple of weeks ago, it was hitting me really hard. I'm living alone, still working at my dad's company less sure of what I want to do with my life then I did when I was eighteen. It's not a bad spot to be really, but I'm not getting any younger. All of this drifting and putsying just seemed really pointless at that moment. I asked myself why I didn't just pursue what mattered to me. That's always been music, not design. As I've thought about it, I can't help but realize that this is my destiny. It's going to be me and music forever. I'm made to make music, and every day that I don't is a waste. I'm too old to not pursue what matters."

Trish felt her heart swell with joy to hear that Kira had finally made a decision. "That's great that you've found your destiny. I know I always said I hated to work, but finding my career has been the best thing that's happened to me."

"But what about Dez?" Kira asked. "I thought you told me confidentially that he was the best thing to happen to you? Or has that all gone south now?"

Trish was silent for a moment. She honestly wasn't sure what to say. The torrent of feelings returned with a vengeance overwhelming her and leaving her almost unable to speak.

Kira was apologetic when she broke the silence. "I'm sorry I asked. Just forget about it."

"It's okay," Trish said rallying her courage and trying to keep her voice from shaking. "To be honest, I haven't been sure what I think lately. Sometimes, all I can think about is how he left. The pain is overwhelming, and it feels like it's happening all over again. Other times, I just miss him so badly I feel like I have to tell him. He's acting like he wants to get back together, and he's been really sweet, but he still hasn't told me why he did what he did. "

"Oh, Trish. I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. I can't help feeling sad thinking about what happened to you guys. You were just so perfect together. You were one of those couples who gave me hope that someday I'd find my happily ever after. I'd see him look at you, and it would totally make me melt. I've always believed you two were destined to be together. I'm mean who reconnects with their old high school friend after college and starts dating? What are the chances of that happening?" Kira gushed.

"Well, he did invite me to come out and be part of his movie," Trish said matter of factly.

"Either way you still ended up together in the end. I'm not you, so I can't know what you should do, but I can't help thinking that you should give it another chance. Lots of couples screw up, but not everyone has what you have. It's special. I've always known that. How many guys would really offer to take the kids on the weekends when they're as little as yours are? Dez really loves you, Trish. I'm sure of it. Don't be to quick to throw it all away." Kira paused for a breath. "I've said too much. I'm sorry. I better go."

"It's okay," Trish said. "I'll be checking into some options for you, and I'll get back to you soon."

"Thank you, Trish. Talk to you soon," Kira said before hanging up.

Kira's words sent her reeling. What she and Dez had was special? She had never considered it as such. What they had was merely the outcome of the direction her life had taken. It was just one of million possibilities. How easily could she have fallen in love with Jace or Chuck or her boss? By chance or by choice, she wasn't sure which, she had fallen in love with Dez instead and married him.

But what if Kira was right? What if what they had was special? What if they were destined to be together? What if the bond they shared was so strong that nothing in the universe could tear them apart?

Trish honestly didn't know. She had never really believed in destiny, and she wasn't sure she did now. All she knew was that she loved Dez. She wouldn't be grieving his absence in her life if she didn't. Sure, he had hurt her causing pain deeper than she had imagined possible, but despite the pain she still wanted him back.

She had been feeling the ache of his absence for months, but she had sat back passively preferring to write about what true love did instead of doing it herself. It was time to practice what she preached. It was time to take a risk and choose love-choose Dez.

 **Author's note: I'm sorry this is so long in coming. I intended to write it sooner, but somehow it didn't happen. Anyway, I hope that this isn't terribly repetitive and that you enjoyed reading it. I'd love to know what you think**.


	8. Declaring

After Dez dropped off the kids, he was relived to finally have some time and quiet for thought. It had been quite the rollercoaster ride of a weekend, and taking care of the kids had kept his mind and hands busy. As he looked back on it all, he was amazed to find that he was disappointed but not devastated like he had imagined he would be.

While he could point to many reasons to be discouraged, he also found many hopeful signs as well. Trish hadn't gone with them to get ice cream, but he had been able to see her visibly struggling. It had given him hope that perhaps she wasn't as content with the situation as he had thought. While she had continued to be reserved, he had caught glimpses of the old Trish during their time together. Sometimes when he told a joke, he was sure he saw the beginnings of a smile on her face, and he could tell that she enjoyed the dancing and was sad at the thought of it ending.

As Dez pondered the future, he knew that they still had a ways to go. So far, not a word had passed between them about what had happened. As much as he didn't want to talk about it, he knew that no real lasting progress would be made until they did. Dancing (and Didi's plan) was almost over, but he knew that it wouldn't really work without the other key component—really talking.

He had resisted talking about it with every fiber of his being. It was just so shaming. He couldn't believe that he had really hurt his best friend so badly and then left without an apology. In doing so, he had failed to keep his marriage vows and had practically torn his family apart. The thought was so horrifying that he didn't want to think it let alone admit it to Trish. Yet, he knew that he had to. He couldn't back down and cower from the one thing that had the power to get him to where he wanted to be.

He never would have let himself get away with something like this with Austin. When Austin had broken up with Ally, Dez had been so mad that he hadn't spoken to Austin for a week. After a week had passed, he had been so full of guilt that he had been unable to let another day go by without apologizing to Austin.

Why shouldn't it be the same way with Trish? He had treated her so unfairly, and it was no wonder she felt hurt and standoffish when he had swept it all under the rug. He had to come clean whatever the cost and declare that he had been wrong and that he needed her in his life. Even if the unfortunate happened and he didn't get the result he was hoping for, it still needed to happen. It was the right thing to do.

 _I will do it,_ he promised himself. _The next chance I get._

* * *

The next chance came much too soon for Dez's liking. Just a few days later, he found himself standing on Trish's doorstep. It was an awkward situation. It was late in the evening, and he had come unannounced. He wasn't thrilled about randomly showing up at her house, but hearing that her dad was in the hospital had left him unable to stay away. He just couldn't not come when his wife was facing the loss of one of the people she loved best. Although his presence might cause more pain than comfort, he had come knowing that he would be completely restless until he did.

The second time he rang the door bell, he heard Trish come running to the door. "Come in," she said in a distracted tone. She was talking on the phone to someone—perhaps her mom, and her hair was covered in a towel. The folded article of clothing in her hand told him that she was packing. That was good news. He had been worried that she would decide that she was too needed at work to go. That would have been the wrong choice when her mom clearly needed her right now.

Trish disappeared as quickly as she came so he cleared away the toys that littered the couch and sat down. The whole situation made him feel very sad. He was practically an outsider when he wanted to be the one that Trish ran to when something went wrong. He was almost a stranger who had to ring the doorbell and wait until Trish had a few moments of leisure to talk. More than he missed being Trish's husband, he missed being her best friend.

For his entire life, he had had an extreme need for closeness. He was an expressive person—full of thoughts and feelings—that he wanted, no needed to share with someone. Along with sharing with others, he wanted them to share with him. Growing up, he had strived to fill this void by sticking close to Austin and Didi. Despite the happiness of his times with them, the feeling that they would someday leave always nagged him. As he grew, that feeling only grew stronger. College became an enemy as he knew that it would separate him from both of them, and he often woke up from nightmares about Austin moving away prematurely.

College had come and gone. It's inevitability had helped numb some of the pain of missing his favorite people, yet he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed someone—perhaps someone else—to be close to. As he began to ponder the situation, he realized that he was looking for a girl who could be his best friend forever and share with him both the sorrows and the joys. Just when he had despaired of ever finding such a girl, Trish had waltzed into his life stealing his heart and reshaping his dreams.

At first he was skeptical that Trish would be the person he was looking for, it quickly became obvious that she was. She dove into life at his side listening to his dreams, smiling at his quirkiness, and sharing a heart that shocked him with its depth. As time passed, she only became more open and more devoted. He married her excited for this to continue for the rest of his life.

But now he was alone facing a situation worse than he had have imagined and feeling more alone than ever. Just when he felt the tears come to his eyes, the pitter patter of little feet roused him from his reminiscing.

"Daddy," Bryan said with a smile that stretched across his little round face. "You're here."

"Yes," Dez said scooping the young boy up in his arms. He lifted the tyke high in the air and smiled at Bryan's shrieks of joy.

"Can you read me a story, Daddy?" Bryan asked.

Dez smiled. "Sure. Get me the book, and get Max. I know he's going to want to hear it too."

Soon, Bryan had returned with Max and a bedtime story. Both boys settled on his lap, Dez couldn't help but think about how much he had missed being at home with his family. Back when he had lived here, he had read the kids a story practically every night, but now he only saw them on the weekends. He was usually so tired from singlehandedly wrestling the bunch that he often didn't read them stories.

When they finished, Dez looked up at his watch to discover that it was way past bedtime. He took the boys to their room and walked them through their normal bedtime routine. A feeling of settledness washed over him to be back in the home he loved with the people he loved. He could get used to this.

He was tempted to go back to the living room, but he knew that he had to go talk to Trish. He couldn't put it off any longer. Besides, she was likely to be off the phone now. He walked to their old room with some trepidation knowing that he had not set foot in it since he had left nine months before. Simply being in the house was enough to overwhelm him with emotional memories let alone braving their old room. He had no idea how Trish managed to carve out a normal life in their old house. Perhaps it was because she had no other choice or because she was the strongest woman that he had ever known. Could it be that a small part of her had been hoping that he would come back?

He walked through the open door to see Essie asleep on the bed and Trish busily packing. She was still on the phone. She looked up at him for a moment but continued her work. While he stood there waiting and wondering if he should quietly slip away, he heard her tell whoever was on the phone that she needed to go.

"What are you doing here?" she asked without looking up from her work. There was a slight hint of bitterness in her tone that worried him. The last thing that he wanted to do was increase her burden, but he knew he couldn't lighten his own without speaking to her.

"I heard what happened and I had to come," he said simply. Standing in his old room, he couldn't help but feel the awkwardness of his position. "I'm so sorry about your dad, Trish. I was going to tell you that you simply had to go, but I guess you've figured that out." He chuckled awkwardly as he finished.

He saw her visibly tighten in response to his words. "Like I need your help for that? I can figure things out on my own. You should know that by now. I've been managing on my own for the past nine months, and I can make it through this crises too." She was clearly angry when she finished.

"Then, I'll go and leave you to it," he said bitterly. "Have a nice life." The tears streamed down his cheeks as he left the room and headed for the living room. As he did so, he couldn't help but remember that she had avoided his gaze for the entire conversation…she had always done that when she was struggling to hold herself together. She probably wasn't really angry—just stressed and hurt. It was understandable given what was going on with her dad. Besides, she had to feel the weight of seeing him again in the room that they had once shared together. No, he had to go back and try again. He needed to apologize for lashing out and tell her he was sorry that he had been so stupid as to ever let her go.

She looked genuinely surprised to see him walk through the door again. "It's you again?" He was encouraged to see her stop and look at him for a moment.

"Yes," Dez said gathering his courage. "I can't leave things like this again. I was unkind and unfair to you again, and I'm sorry. That was just plain wrong."

She nodded as she continued to pack.

"I can't believe I'm so much of an idiot as to keep doing this to you. Of anyone in the world, you deserve my patience, love, and gentleness." The tears came to his eyes again. "And yet, I keep treating in a way that's completely wrong. I feel so ashamed of myself. I can see why you've let me go. You don't deserve to have me around." He sat on the bed and sobbed into his hands.

She stopped and simply stared at him. "And yet, I want you around. I can't get you out of my head. I love you, Trish. I miss the kids. I miss being a family."

After a few moments past, he was shocked to feel the bed sink as she sat down beside him. "You're not as bad as you think," she said simply. "Any lesser man would have run from admitting that he was wrong."

He looked up in surprise. "But you deserve so much better. I'd want better for Esmeralda."

"Me too, but it's the past now," she said gently. "And we've got to leave it behind us. I'm glad to know that you feel bad. I guess a small part of me has been waiting to see if you'd ever admit that you were wrong." She was silent for a moment. "But no, it's my fault too."

He put his arm around her gently and leaned into her side comforted by her presence and the fact that they were finally talking.

"You're wonderful, Trish," he said decidedly. "Any lesser woman wouldn't have been able to forgive a man like me."

"Well, I haven't forgiven you yet," Trish laughed. "But I will eventually. I need you around too much to not."

They were silent for a moment, and he found himself basking in the fact that the worst was over now. They were going to get back together. He just knew it.

He was serious when he spoke. "I can take the kids if that doesn't mess with the plans you've already made."

"That would be great. Kira and Didi were going to take turns with them, but I think they'd be thrilled if you helped out."

"I'd love to help," he said. "I love every moment I get to spend with our kids. They're amazing people just like their mother."

She looked at him and smiled. "And father."

"Well, I'd better go and leave to your packing." He stood up and held his arms out. She got the cue and let him give her a big hug. "Well, I'll see you soon. Keep in touch."

"Okay, talk to you soon, Dez."

He took one last glance at her and saw hope in her eyes filling his heart with gladness. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I'm sorry I made you wait so long for an update. I've had a terrible case of writer's block which has kept me from writing even though the fact that this story is unfinished has been literally haunting my dreams. I hope this chapter is worth the wait and fits with the rest of the story. I've got my heart set on finishing this story, so look for the last chapter (or two) soon.  
**


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